Sunday, February 27, 2011

Today, Heaven gained an angel.

My great aunt Helen passed away early this morning (2/27).  Although she was 90 years old, it has come as quite a shock.  She wasn't and hasn't been in very good condition for a while now.  She had many medical things wrong with her and everyday was a struggle.  I had become quite naive thinking that she would just live forever because every time she would undergo something and the doctors doubted that she would make it, she always pulled through.  

It's the way that she went that is so hard to take for me.  Sometime during the night she woke up to go to the bathroom.  She was very weak and she fell and hit her head in the bathroom and died instantly.  She was found by a nurse in the morning.  It's just very disturbing to me that after everything this woman has been through, that's how she passed.  But at least she was in her home and not in a hospital.  

Her viewing is tomorrow and the funeral is Tuesday.  There won't be many people there because she had outlived all of her family (She was the last remaining Scroggs) and her friends.  She was a beautiful soul.  That's the best way I know how to describe her. She never married or had kids, but she took care of kids her whole life and I've never seen a child with her that didn't love her.  My daughter met her for the first time when she was 10.5 months old and going through a phase where she didn't want to go to anyone.  But she went straight to Helen.  They loved each other and has a blast together that day.  I regret that I never brought Elyse to her and that's something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.  I hate that Elyse will never know her, hear her bible stories, or her stories from her life.  She had a million stories and we always loved to hear them.  

She was the most Christian woman I have ever known.  And I know that she is happy tonight because she has been reunited with her parents, her siblings, and all the other loved ones that passed before her.  I know she would be telling us to not cry and to be happy for her.  Rest in peace Helen.  You were a beautiful soul and you will be missed.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Another Lonely Friday Night.

This happens quite often.  My husband is a train wrecker, meaning he is on call 24/7.  Which also means he is gone a lot.  He can stay gone for up to 17 days at a time.  {It could be worse, he could be gone for months or years like our servicemen are.  I have a huge amount of respect for our service men and women and their families for doing what they do.} This was a huge adjustment when he started last July because he was always home and that is what Elyse and I were used to.  This was just an opportunity that he couldn't pass up.  We decided when Elyse was born that we just could not put her in daycare, one of us would stay home.  At the time, we were both unemployed, so we decided who ever got a job first, the other would stay home.   A spot opened up there (his cousin works there)  and like I said, he just couldn't pass it up.  He makes more than we both did in a week before.  So it allows me to stay home with Elyse and we are still living comfortably and FINALLY paying credit cards off.  

Anyway, I've gotten used to him being gone, but sometimes it doesn't make it any easier.  Like if we get in an argument and he just has to leave and we don't get to resolve it.  Or when he's been gone for a week and Elyse is going through a sleep regression or teething and won't sleep at all.  But the worse is when Elyse hears our neighbor's truck and she walks to the door calling for dada, then crying when he doesn't come through.  Or like today.  I got Brandon a surprise and it came today.  This is something that I had to be sneaky and do detective work to get (I won't say what it is on the off chance he does read this).  So I sat it on the dining room table and was waiting for him to get home to open it up.  Well he calls and says that he got off early and is on his way.  This makes me incredibly happy because I am just so stoked to give this to him.  Well then he calls and says that he got to the subdivision and had to turn around because they got called to a job in Chattanooga.  I am extremely upset by this.  But I know it's not his fault.  Hopefully they will be able to come home tomorrow and he will finally get this surprise.  Pray that I can keep it a secret if they don't get to come home because it's taking everything in me to not spill it!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Maybe baby in Nov 2012?

Since I was pregnant with Elyse, my dreams were scarily accurate.  I knew down to the ounce how much she was going to weigh and exactly what she was going to look like.  Since then my dreams have been pretty spot on.  Kinda freaky, but true.  

I've been set on one and done.  This kid thing is tough.  I love my daughter more than life itself and I can't imagine splitting my attention between 2.  Well someone said something to me that made me rethink this.  She said you'll never regret having a baby, but you'll regret not having one.  So that led me to go back to our original plan of 2, but only when Elyse was 4 or 5.  

Well the past 2 nights I've had the same dream.  Very vivid to where I can tell you every single detail.  We had a baby boy via scheduled c-section (mandatory unfortunately, although when the time comes, I'll beg to try for a VBAC) on Nov 14 2012.  That's extremely strange that we would pick that date seeing as it's Brandon's birth date.  And he weighed 7lbs 2oz and was 19".  

Now I'm still at the thinking that I don't even want to think about another one until she is a lot older considering the complications of my last pregnancy, but who knows, I guess we will see next year if this is a dream that turns out to be true=)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Stop holding it in!

So my daughter Elyse has been a pretty healthy kid. She's only been sick twice in her 13 months, once when she was a few months old and it was just a little congestion and the other was a week before she turned one she had a double ear infection and bronchiolitis. That was a miserable week to say the least.

Her issues have always been with her digestive system and well...bathroom problems. She had pretty bad reflux from about 2 months on. We were finally able to wean her and she's been off those meds for almost 2 months now. So that pretty much took care of itself...thank goodness because it could have been a lot worse than what it was.

Her issues on the other end....well we haven't been so lucky. She's had problems with her bm's since almost birth. We've seen the specialists, changed her diet in every way possible it seems and nothing is helping. The kid is on Miralax every day and nothing. Every once in a while we will find something that seems to work short term and then it just comes right back. We are now looking for a new specialist because I'm convinced that something is not breaking down properly or something didn't develop properly and that's why she can't pass it. It's not normal to have to do suppositories once a week. I hate that something so natural is so hard for her. She has so much pain that it is heartbreaking. It's the worse feeling of helplessness in the world to sit there and not being able to figure out what is causing this. Tonight was just awful. The poor baby bled so much this time that I'm waiting for Brandon to get home to determine if it was internal or external so we know whether or not to take her to the hospital. If she doesn't go tonight then we are going to the doctor tomorrow and getting a referral to a new specialist. This one I'm convinced doesn't know what he's talking about.

I know this is going to affect her potty training. She already has it in her head that she knows it's going to hurt so she tries to hold it in. That only makes things so much worse. But at 13 months she only knows cause and effect. So I'm doing everything I can to grab her and bend her legs every time she goes stiff and after every bm she gets a cookie as a reward.

I pray to God every night that we will find something that works because it's at the point now where it is becoming more and more of a serious issue. Everyday is a challenge with this and at this point I'm praying that God will direct us so that we may find an answer.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Rant: SAHM vs Working Mom

I hate that my first post is going to be a rant but this is what has been on my mind recently.  I've noticed since becoming a SAHM that working moms and even other people tend to look down on us.  Working mom's (not all I know, but a lot) think they have it harder because they put in a 40 hour work week while their kid is in daycare, then they go pick them up and take over the mom duties.  This really rubs me the wrong way.   I don't judge you for choosing to put your child in daycare so you can work, so don't judge me for choosing not to pur my child in daycare and raise her myself.  If you want to spend hundreds of dollars a week for someone to do it for you, then that's your choice.  Mine is to raise my kid myself.  I truly believe that no one can care for my daughter better than I can.  It's not selfish, in fact, I've realized it's quite the opposite.  I gave up my job, and basically my life to stay home with Elyse. Being a SAHM is an investment in my child.  I love her enough to give her 100% of myself.  She is the most important thing I'll ever do(with the exception of my marriage).  I don't want to see her just nights and weekends.  No, I don't get paid vacations, and a lunch hour, and a lot less adult interaction, but what I get is so much better than that.  I get to watch my daughter grow.  I get to see all of her firsts, I get to teach her new things.  I don't miss anything that she does.   Being a SAHM is what it best for my family, so it is what I do.

I love it when people think that it is just gravy and sitting on my butt all day.  Ha!  That is a joke!  My 13 month old has more energy than I know what to do with.  She is a spitfire at this age and I love it!  She does wear me slap out, but she is so much fun.  We don't sit around and watch TV all day.  Heck there's not a TV on in the house right now.  We play, we go outside, we run errands, we have learning time, we read... you get the point.  When she naps, that's when I do the house stuff, the laundry, dishes, dusting, sweeping, etc.  I don't get an hour lunch break or heck even a shower some days.  I can't go grocery shopping or run errands myself because she is in daycare, nope she does everything with me. I get to sit down at the end of the night when she finally falls asleep (between 9 & 10 most nights) and by then I'm so exhausted from the days events that I just crash too!

The point of this rant is not to say SAHM mom's are better or working moms are better.  The point is that it doesn't matter which one you are, be respectful of the other.  I may probably piss some people off with this, but I honestly don't care because I'm so tired of being looked down on because I choose to raise my kid over having a career.  We should all be able to do what we feel is best for our families without being judged.