Bit of a rocky start, but a great ending=)

We've had a rough week with Miss E.  Poor baby has been running a fever since Sunday so I took her to the Dr on Thursday.  He checks her out and says that everything looks good, no rash, throat is good, ears are good, so he wants to get a urine sample to check for a UTI or bladder infection.  I immediately ask how he plans on doing so and he says that they have to do a catheter.  My heart just sank.  So the nurses come in and we lay her down and the nurse can't get the catheter in.  She tries about 7 times before the 2nd nurse took over and tried.  She tried and tried and finally I told them to stop, if it wasn't going in to stop tormenting my child.  I mean she is screaming to the point that she is choking and purple.  The nurse says that where the catheter is supposed to go in is fused shut so the dr will have to come look at it.  She then attaches a bag to Miss E to try to catch urine that way.  Well the nurses come back in about 30 minutes later to check and sure enough, she had peed but the nurse didn't attach the bag right so it caught a drop at most.  When she took the bag off, it left marks on my poor baby and she was just in so much pain.  The nurses told me that the stuff they had to swab her with for the catheter would make it burned when she peed, so that was just one more thing to add to the pile.  So the dr finally comes back in and tells us they were able to test her urine from the drop and it came back negative.  So the fever could be a viral thing or Roseola and the rash from that won't appear until the fever is gone.  So waiting game on that.  He then proceeds to check her and poor baby is already screaming bc of what she went through with the nurses.  He tells me that she is closed where she is supposed to be open so we have to use a cream for 2 weeks and if she doesn't open on her own then she has to have surgery.  So we are praying that the cream works bc I do not want my daughter to have surgery, esp that kind of surgery.  So after being there for 2.5 hours and Miss E is just so exhausted (the appt was scheduled during nap time so she didn't get her normal nap) and traumatized, we finally head home.  We took her out to dinner last night and took her to Target so she could pick out a new toy and she loved that.

Today we took her to the zoo.  But before I go into that, I just have to tell this.  This morning I had Miss E on my lap and I was feeling her fore head checking for a fever when I jokingly told her to go get her Tylenol.  Well she hopped off of my lap and walked into the bedroom.  I looked and Brandon and he looked at me and said "she's actually looking on your nightstand'!  Well a few seconds later she walked out holding her Tylenol and handed it to me!  We couldn't believe it!   She will bring us her toys or shoes if we ask, but this just blew our minds.  We are raising a little genius=)  Anyway, she had a blast at the zoo, she pointed to all the animals and smiled at them.  She did so good.  She loved the petting zoo, I got a great video of her.  I wish I could find my adapter so I could share some pictures.  So she's hopefully forgotten all about the events of yesterday.  We hope to be able to take her to an Easter Egg Hunt in the morning and then of course Easter is Sunday and she's got all kinds of goodies=)  It's going to be like Christmas all over again, we may have went just a bit overboard, but she is such a great kid and she really deserves it.  

Letting Go

This past week has been mostly spent cleaning out and organizing our office turned catch all room.  Yesterday as I was going through a box that has been on the top shelf tucked in the back of the closet and I found my old diaries from middle school(when I first moved up to Mableton).  There were 3 different diaries and in the very bottom of the box was a letter from my birth mom.  I thought that I had put all of those up a long time ago, but this one didn't get put up with the rest.  I of course opened it and read it. There was one letter to me and one letter to Tyler.  It was dated Aug 18th 2007.  In the letter she had told me to give Ray and Elaine a chance (this was before the thought of adoption) and that they were really good people.  I put the letters back in the envelope and started reading the diaries.  Almost every page was the same thoughts.  Besides the normal rantings and gushings of a 12 year old, it was "why doesn't she like me?"  "She's never going to love me like she loves Levi" and "please let her be in a good mood today".  It brought me back to that house and the tension and the nights spent crying myself to sleep.  I hated that feeling.  As I opened up the last diary that my Gram gave me, I saw what she had written on the first page:

Notice the date on it.  Aug 18, 1997.  She told me to let go of the past.  So that's exactly what I did yesterday.  I tore that page out and threw all 3 diaries away.  I tore the pages up in little pieces and they all went to the trash.  And it felt really good.  It's like I'm throwing away all those bad memories and all the hurt and insecurities with them.  Goodbye past, I don't need your burden anymore.

It's Official!

The Hollis' are moving!  Brandon has been out of town and when he called last night we were talking about it and he asked what I was thinking.  I told him that I was really leaning towards yes and he said that he was too.  So the call has been made and hopefully we will start the process next week on his stress days.  I haven't announced it on FB yet, I probably won't for awhile, but I'm so excited.  I feel like this is the right decision for us.  I knew I was leaning towards moving when I finally got my butt in the office and started cleaning it out.  Anyone who knows us knows that the office is the door that stays closed all the time.  Partially because you couldn't open the door because of all the stuff in there.  That was where I threw everything when it had no other place.  I knew when I finally broke down and cleaned the hall closet out that the office was next.  Miss E and I have been back there a couple of nights now and we have made huge progress. I'm very excited about it, if you can't tell=)  Anyway, back to the topic.  I'm nervous about the time frame of the rebuilding and moving because of Brandon's work schedule.  Here lately they have been gone more than they have been home.  I can only do so much because 1) I have Miss E and 2) He has the truck and I have a car.  I can pack and do all that stuff. Heck I could have this whole upstairs packed and ready to go in a day if Miss E had a sitter.  Anyone who knows me knows that that is not an exaggeration.  Oh well, God lead us to make the decision so I have faith that He will make it possible too.

Decisions decisions...

I posted awhile back about the possibility of moving.  Well Brandon's dad called last night and said that if we want that house then it is ours.  I've prayed about it since it became a thought a few months ago and went with the mentality that if it's meant to be then then Darryl(Brandon's dad) will call and say that Debbie(house owner) called and said we can have it for x amount.  If said amount was what we were thinking then we would do it.  So now Darryl is awaiting our decision.  I listed all the pro's and con's in the last post so I won't do that again.  But my heart is torn.  I don't know what to do. 

Old Meagan is not here anymore...and she's not coming back=)

This is my 2nd night of no husband and no baby.  It wasn't planned, just kind of happened that way.  As I'm laying here in my bed I realize that I just don't know what to do with myself.  I've never been away from Miss E this long(if I had it my way she would be here right now).  I'm used to Brandon being gone because of his job, but I always have Miss E.  I'm not used to being completely alone anymore.  Last night I couldn't fall asleep until 3 am and then I was up at 8 bc I had to take the dogs to the groomers.  When I got home to my empty house with no husband, kid or dogs, you can really imagine how I felt.  

Is it possible that in becoming a wife and a mother (and a sahm at that) that I've lost Meagan along the way somewhere?  I'm most certainly not the same person I was before becoming a mother, but I think they were all good changes.  Instead of going out and drinking and staying out all night, I'm researching vaccinations, benefits of ERF, and snuggling with my daughter.  I'm quite content with staying home on a Friday night and playing with Miss E and spending time with my husband.  I don't feel the need to go out and drink anymore.  Not to say there aren't times when I've felt like I could use a good drink, but I just have no interest in it anymore.  But most people would give anything or 2 nights of "freedom" and here I am on a Saturday night laying in bed wishing that my baby was asleep beside me.  I do okay with her spending one night away, but this is the first time that she has spent two nights away and I'm beside myself.  I had a great day, I got to have lunch with my best friend Erin and then I got to come home for a couple of hours and do absolutely nothing and then I had dinner with my other best friend Misty and her son Ayden.  I love getting to sit down with just me and her and talk, we seriously talk for hours and it's just great.  She's one of those people that I really enjoy being around and don't have to fake enjoy being around.  Those kind of people are few and far in between so it was truly a treat to get to do that with 2(3 including Mr. Ayden) of my favorite people today.  


So I guess that I haven't lost myself at all, I've just become a different  Meagan and that's okay with me.  I never dreamed that one little 26 lb person could have such a hold of my heart but man does she.  She controls every thought and action.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.