Saturday, April 2, 2011

Old Meagan is not here anymore...and she's not coming back=)

This is my 2nd night of no husband and no baby.  It wasn't planned, just kind of happened that way.  As I'm laying here in my bed I realize that I just don't know what to do with myself.  I've never been away from Miss E this long(if I had it my way she would be here right now).  I'm used to Brandon being gone because of his job, but I always have Miss E.  I'm not used to being completely alone anymore.  Last night I couldn't fall asleep until 3 am and then I was up at 8 bc I had to take the dogs to the groomers.  When I got home to my empty house with no husband, kid or dogs, you can really imagine how I felt.  

Is it possible that in becoming a wife and a mother (and a sahm at that) that I've lost Meagan along the way somewhere?  I'm most certainly not the same person I was before becoming a mother, but I think they were all good changes.  Instead of going out and drinking and staying out all night, I'm researching vaccinations, benefits of ERF, and snuggling with my daughter.  I'm quite content with staying home on a Friday night and playing with Miss E and spending time with my husband.  I don't feel the need to go out and drink anymore.  Not to say there aren't times when I've felt like I could use a good drink, but I just have no interest in it anymore.  But most people would give anything or 2 nights of "freedom" and here I am on a Saturday night laying in bed wishing that my baby was asleep beside me.  I do okay with her spending one night away, but this is the first time that she has spent two nights away and I'm beside myself.  I had a great day, I got to have lunch with my best friend Erin and then I got to come home for a couple of hours and do absolutely nothing and then I had dinner with my other best friend Misty and her son Ayden.  I love getting to sit down with just me and her and talk, we seriously talk for hours and it's just great.  She's one of those people that I really enjoy being around and don't have to fake enjoy being around.  Those kind of people are few and far in between so it was truly a treat to get to do that with 2(3 including Mr. Ayden) of my favorite people today.  

So I guess that I haven't lost myself at all, I've just become a different  Meagan and that's okay with me.  I never dreamed that one little 26 lb person could have such a hold of my heart but man does she.  She controls every thought and action.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

No comments:

Post a Comment